Friends.

Lately, I've written a lot of negative posts, which I haven't bothered to publish because.. who really needs more of that? So today I'm bucking the trend and going positive. This is a quick skip across the stepping stones of my life, leading up to how the Lord answered a prayer my Mum has prayed for a long a time - that I would find friendships like the ones she cherishes in her own life :)

I'm standing outside the classroom on the first day of school, nervously eyeing everybody off, trying to figure out the quickest way to make them like me. The idea of doing this school thing without a friend is terrifying. Fortunately, I'm a kid with boatloads of confidence and soon find that making friends comes somewhat naturally to me.

Fast forward a few years to highschool. We're all on MSN. I spend most of my time at home chatting to the people I've just spent the day with at school. Everyone has taglines next to their name filled with weird font symbols and motivational sayings - the kind that in the future will be plastered all over Facebook. One of them says something about living life to max out your funeral. It strikes a cord with my very impressionable self and I decide that my main purpose in life is to make as many friends as possible, and be everybody's BEST friend.

Through years of being part of different churches and groups I've been blessed with many opportunities to meet new people. I've never struggled to strike up conversation and get to know them, so I'm picturing a pretty crowded funeral. *smug* Unfortunately, I soon discover that the kind of popularity I'm seeking requires being a different person around each different group. Often my worlds collide and I face the dilemma of how to behave. The inevitable conclusion is a messy emotional breakdown which leads me to quit school. I withdraw from all my damaged friendships and focus (as you do) on my boyfriend at the time.

A few years pass and I've married the boyfriend. I'm building healthier friendships with new people, and living a comfortable life. And then it happens.

I make a terrible mistake, simultaneously disappointing everyone I've ever known, and unforgivably hurting those closest to me. Before I know it I'm a divorcee, a single mum, and feeling like my funeral is going to be a very lonely occasion after all. I feel unworthy of friendship. Who would want to be my friend now anyway?

Here's where the story comes full circle. I'm standing outside the classroom on the first day of school, nervously eyeing everybody off, trying to figure out the quickest way to make them like me. The idea of doing this school thing without a friend is terrifying. My daughter seems much calmer. I remind myself that the day is actually about her. She is bright and bubbly, brimming with confidence and I have no doubt she'll make friends easily. She reminds me of my younger self and as I look around at the other mothers present, I wish I could recapture the charisma I oozed at age 6.

The year progresses and after many smiles and polite chit-chats during morning drop-offs, I can happily jot some names down on my list of "acquaintances". I'm painfully aware that I'm THE MOST socially awkward person alive. After all, I've spent the last 5 years at home conversing with a baby. Small talk is usually family-focused and as I'm now remarried with a new bub, I'm anxious every time that someone will ask the wrong question or notice my eldest daughters different surname. But with every coffee date I attend, the warmth of community calls out to me, and I long to wrap myself up in it and get cozy.

One of the mums invites me to her birthday lunch. I'm a bit hesitant, but I go. It is just for the ladies in her life. There are SO MANY. Some of them have travelled hours just to be here. One after the other they stand and share, through tears and laughter, about the impact this one woman has had on their lives. She graciously thanks them and explains how her goal is just to love people. To nurture, encourage, and honour. I am in awe. THIS. This is what I want! What I need.

A new journey begins. At that very lunch I decide to start opening up to the ladies seated around me. I talk about real things; my past and present, my triumphs and inadequacies as a parent. They listen. They eagerly respond with their own similar stories. It feels a bit like stumbling across another survivor during a zombie apocalypse. Oh sweet relief, I'm not alone! I realise that these aren't perfect women, ready to pass judgement and cast me aside. These are kindred spirits. They too, are searching for more. Searching for friendship.

So here I am. It is now 2 years since that amazing lunch, and many things have changed. Mainly my ideas about friendship. I've come to understand that people will come in and out of my life, and the boundaries of my relationships will shift with the circumstances surrounding them. I've learned that losing contact is ok, and doesn't necessarily equal a loss of love; that trying to be everything to everyone just isn't sustainable, and that in the end I can be a much better friend if I only give what I can afford. I love within my limits, without limiting my love.

Letting go of the guilt and fear that go hand in hand with my past and future, was the first step to fully enjoying my present. I am so grateful for the women I do life with right now. They are WISDOM and GRACE on display. We're made up of different ages, cultures and opinions, but they get me. And even though my go-to topics are boobs and poop, they continue to talk to me! Some I see every week, some I regularly forget to call (but it never matters cos they know I suck at remembering stuff). To the ladies in my life - the new ones, and the one who has always been there, who lift me up, love me, and challenge me.. this one's for you. Thanks for your patience as I learn to be a friend, maybe not your best friend, but the best friend I can be.

Last In, Worst Dressed.

Aside from my obvious lack of organisational skills, I'm still struggling with another phenomenon that's been getting in the way of my blogging.  Finding something that I feel comfortable talking about is one thing, but finding it and writing about it before I see it written somewhere else is almost impossible.

Life occasionally throws me a set of circumstances that make me think "Hey! I should totally blog about that!".  And approximately 12 seconds later I'm clicking a link someone has shared on facebook to somebody else's blog post about that very issue.  On top of that, they're even more funny and eloquent than I could've hoped to be, and I find myself stifling laughs and mentally scoffing at their views, just out of spite for having been beaten to the punch.

It's not that I expect to write anything original, but I don't want to look like I've just copy/pasted other people's thoughts on whatever topic is making the rounds.  I see so many posts about parenting that it does my head in. I'm pretty sure there's a blog to match every style and tell you you're doing a great job, no matter how you do it.. what could I possibly add to that sea of conflicting opinions?

Some other topic maybe. What about that awesome recipe I always use? Already pinned. That funny little anecdote about that thing my toddler did? Some kid on youtube did it 2 years ago.

What's worse is when I feel there's been a mistake, and my version would've been better. I read instructions or recipes and think,
'You used tape? No, no, no.. you need glue!'
'2 teaspoons of sugar? Are you kidding? It should be tablespoons!!'

*Pulls hair out*

It feels a bit like at school when the teacher asks a question, and you know the answer, but they ask someone else first and you want to scream "No, pick ME!! I know the answer!!"

That never happened by the way, I always yelled out the answer because I was a big, fat know-it-all.  And that's precisely why this age of information is driving me nuts.  Everyone is a know-it-all and they're all yelling out the answers before me.

I'm never gonna be first in, best dressed. So, either I pack up and go home, or I settle for being last in, worst dressed.
*Looks at self in PJ's*
..Or maybe just last in and forget about getting dressed at all.

Cakes Of 2012, Or Thereabouts.

As mentioned in my welcome post, I like to bake.  Cake decorating gives me lots of opportunities to try new things, and challenge myself.  And I mean, challenge.  My cake-making always involves tears and foot-stamping and telling myself I will NEVER do it again.  I might otherwise be a 'throw my hands up in defeat' kinda gal, but when baking for someone else I have no choice but to dig deep and use those problem-solving skills I never developed at school.  Who knew food could be so character building?

So here are some of the cakes of 2012, or thereabouts (some were just before, some just after).  Hopefully, I'll find some time to make a list of the cakes of 2013, or thereabouts, before next year.

Ladies Birthday

Little Ladies Birthday

Wedding & Anniversary

Tiny Cakes

Church

Various

How's The Routine Going?

A friend asked me yesterday how I'm doing at following my new schedule. My response:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Yes, another failed endeavour at being organised.  It seems I can usually manage to do one thing, but it means dropping the ball in some other area.  If I get the washing done every morning, then we run late.  If I get the dishes done at night, the kids are skipping baths.  It hasn't all come together like I'd hoped.

To be fair, we've had a full-on month or two.  Guests staying with us and hospital appointments for the bub has meant there weren't many "normal" days where we could really give the routine a go.  On top of that, things are quickly changing - my husband's study/work situation isn't consistent and other extra curricular activities have popped up, rendering my original routine outdated already.

Still, I'm not giving up on it just yet.  I am happy to report that yesterday went almost entirely to plan.  Woohoo!

I took the littlies out so hubby could get some writing done at home.  Our choice of hangout was a "sklie" (slide) that Miss M has been pointing out whenever we drive past it.  The highlight was our sword fight with branches, which will probably result in her trying to poke some other kid's butt with a stick next time we're out.  WORTH IT.

After school hubby and I did some tag-team supervision/exercise at a park - one parent watched the kids while the other went for a run.  It was so AWFUL nice to be running again.

Today we got to school 10 mins early.  You'll know if it happens again tomorrow, because the world will likely end; so great a shift from the norm it will be.

Otherwise, I'll see you next post.  For now, I'm off to reap the rewards of cooking 2 dinners yesterday, by kicking back with Jane Austen for a bit.

Kids Are Rude.

Kids are rude.
I never really noticed, but now that I have my own it seems glaringly obvious.  Maybe there's some of you who still haven't seen past the chubby cheeks and wondrous, big eyes full of CUTE that veil their barbed comments.  It's like kissing a 5 o'clock shadow.  You can ignore the spiky bits, because they look cute.

An example of rudeness:
Dinner.  I create a meal that is nothing short of a culinary triumph.  My husband's impressed, and I'm feeling pretty chuffed when my kids suddenly realise that it contains neither ketchup nor nutella.  They express their disappointment the only way they know how:
7 yr old - *whimper* "I think this is making me sick." *whimper* "Do I have to eat it all to get dessert?"
2 yr old - "Eww. 'Gusting."

Sometimes they compare my butt to the size of a house, or when I say "Good morning" they pretend to choke while announcing that I have the smelliest breath EVER.  In hindsight, it can be endearing.  It's that whole "out of the mouths of babes" thing.  At the time though, I usually serve back something about how "If you can't say something nice..." with a side of guilt trip. Then I immediately feel foolish because surely any other parent would have seen the funny side, had a little chuckle and facebooked the hilarity.  After all, kids being rude = comedy gold.  I mean, who gets offended by a toddler?

Well, me.
I think to myself, "I never said stuff like that as a kid!".... WRONG. Of course I did. And if I'm honest, I'm still saying stuff like that - that's where they learn it!  I get defensive and sarcastic and make poor choices about what to say.  And thus the cycle begins.  They speak rudely -> I react rudely -> they copy me, and around we go again. 

I've been expecting my kids to behave like adults, while I behave like a kid!  But they aren't adults.  They get frustrated like adults, and can manipulate like adults do, but they also have limited language and can't measure the impact of their words.  They haven't learned how to phrase things "nicely", just like they haven't figured out that sticking your hand down your pants in public to itch your bum is frowned upon (not all adults have that down either, mind you).

My kids just aren't on the same wavelength as me.  Trying to resolve conflict by way of rational conversation is futile. 

They say things that don't make sense. "You can't brush my hair, I'm allergic!"
They change rules. "Well, actually it's the first person with NO money that wins monopoly." 
They have no concept of time. "Last week, when I was a baby, I used to live in your tummy."

Sometimes all at once:
"I haven't been to McDonalds for 10 yeeeaaars." 
"We were there a week ago." 
"10 years IS a week." 
"No, it isn't. It's 7 days."
"Not to me!"


Argh.  Then, just when I'm at the point of tearing my hair out, but somehow manage to restrain myself and calmly talk it out, they'll say something like,
"Can you please stop talking now?  My ears are hurting."

I just might combust.


Oh, by the way.. this is not the sort of post where I write about a problem and then produce a pearl of wisdom at the end that everyone can apply to their own lives. Sorry :P  This is more of a "I'm a loony, come and read about my lunacy and relate to it so we can all have a laugh" kind of post.

I guess I just want to reassure other mums who are thinking, "Why are my kids SO RUDE? I didn't raise them this way!!!".  It's me saying: Relax. Your kids ARE rude. But so are mine, and I suspect everyone elses too.  Realising this has really helped me to think twice before flying off the handle, and remember what it is to be a kid.  After all, their ill-timed, ill-worded retorts are fuelled by the same ignorance and imagination that sources their finest moments.

They can make fun out of almost any situation.
They really do say the darndest things, and those conversation snippets get me loads of facebook likes. ;)
They give compliments for things no one else in the world would think of complimenting.
They show frequent and uninhibited public displays of affection <3

Come to think of it, in some ways, I hope my kids NEVER behave like adults. 

Just Plain Fun

Today I slept in. Then I rolled out of bed, skipped lunch (that's right, lunch), ignored my schedule, and hopped straight on the computer to do a little gaming with my husband.. just 'cos.  Hours went by and when we finally emerged I realised it was now too late for any of my plans.  Today I was supposed to wash the quilts and take the kids fishing, among other things.  I didn't even have the things I needed for dinner!  I felt the weight of defeat.

How did this happen?  Why didn't I follow the plan?  Well, because I was tired.  Probably from all my plans about making plans and planning to stick to said plans. Ugh.

I gotta say - it was so nice to sleep in!  It was awesome to sit down and do something normal and effortless with my husband.  And the kids?  Well, they played.  Not always fairly, friendly or quietly... but individually and together; sometimes with toys and sometimes with nothing but air. 

Without a plan.

So, I don't feel bad about today.  I loved seeing the kids make their own fun, by themselves, without anything or anyone new around.  I loved just hanging at home with my family, doing our own thing. I am reminded that without days like this, I won't have the energy for those other days of excitement and adventure.  Today was just plain fun.  Sure, the quilts aren't done.. but big whoop.  They aren't going to disintegrate before tomorrow. 

Loose Goals

There are many things I'd love to be awesome at, but really am not. Blogging, gaming, cleanliness, patient parenting... are all in this category. I mentioned in my last post that I'm learning to give myself a break. Well, part of that means coming to terms with the fact that I'm not achieving the desired heights in these areas, and that's ..ok! Whilst I aim to improve, neither I nor the world will fall apart if I don't master everything come 2015.

 There will always be more to learn, something else to improve on.

 Previously I might've read that sentence as a mark of failure. A depressing sum up of the arduous, insurmountable task that is life. I'm guilty of having had this sucky, perfectionistic attitude that says if I can't excel I'm not even gonna try.  But I'm starting to realising that if I'm going to get any enjoyment from life I need to take it by the horns, one cow at a time, and maybe even take pride in my err.. cows? milk?  Ok, this word picture really fell apart.. let's just add that to my list of things to work on.

So this year I'm going to keep blogging infrequently, dying in games frequently, cleaning infrequently and yelling at my kids frequently. But maybe, just maybe, it'll be slightly more/less than last year. Woo!

I've read articles and blogs about people with specific goals like quitting sugar, or renovating, or photo journals. The idea of doing something different and chronicling that journey really appeals to me. But what to do?? My husband and I talked about it and failed to come up with anything that we're super passionate about that we could shoot for. Maybe I should blog about the journey of finding a journey to blog about. At least it's an original concept.

For now we'll keep ourselves busy with the little things. Here's some of what I jotted down (aside from the above mentioned).

As a couple:

• Challenges

My husband had this awesome idea that every fortnight we think of a challenge for each other. It could be something fun, or something we just need to practise/complete. Anything goes. As an example, my first challenge for him was to go for a run twice. Doesn't sound like much, but he loves running and fell out of the habit last year, so I hope to see him get back into it. His challenge for me was to play through a game and then review it, because a) I never finish games and b) I get a taste of what he does - reviewing games. Should be fun!

• Date nights

With 3 kids - one being a newborn, this really just means sitting in the same room together for at least one night a week. We will alternate who plans the evening.

As a family:

• Punctuality

Ever since I started driving myself places, I've been 'the one who is always late'. I'm in need of a new image, so this year I'd like to try being 'the one who is always early'.

• Organisation

This is fairly non-specific and all-encompassing I suppose. The blogging, cleanliness, punctuality, all my goals really, depend on this one. It's important to me because I want to be a better example for my kids - more like my mum. I've set up loose schedules and systems that I'm hoping to loosely follow. I say loose (twice) because I've learned that my family needs wiggle room. We get bored and shifty. If I stumble across some particularly effective methods, I'll let you know.

• Activities

I like to make family time count and try new things. Hoping we can build on last year and make our own fun (instead of always resorting to pinterest!).

As an individual:

• Norwegian

As part of a bi-lingual household I really need to up my game. I LOVE speaking Norwegian, but I hate the way I sound and I constantly second guess myself. I need to improve quickly, as I don't want my 2 yr old parroting the awful Auswegian I currently speak.

• Memories

Inspired by a friend, I've started a 'blessings' jar with the aim of jotting down the little things that make me smile throughout the year. Also, I would really like to see my photos. In frames. In albums. Somewhere, that isn't the computer, where I can look at them and remember that I'm capable of having and being FUN.

These aren't new or earth-shattering ideas, but they are life-changing and for the most part, things I can blog about.

So, it's a start.

2014: A New Year

  It's January.  A new year is here, bringing new opportunities.  It never used to mean anything to me, but the older I get, the more it becomes a time of reflection and refocusing; pulling apart the previous year and looking for ways to improve on it.  I guess it's called growing up. Eek.

  Nowdays I get a real buzz from this 'starting fresh' vibe; a burst of optimism and motivation, which I must latch on to quickly before it fades.  I'm determined to do better in 2014 and honestly, it shouldn't take much to improve on last year.  2013 was the year of LAZY.  I think perhaps, subconsciously, I realised I'd spend 3/4 of the year pregnant, and just wrote 2013 off.

  Anyway, while trying to get more organised one other year I found these great questions that I like to look over to aid the whole process of self evaluation and goal-setting.  As I look over my successes and failures, I learn a lot about myself and my family and what does/doesn't work for us.  I think one of the big lessons of 2013 for me was to give myself a break.


 It is just so easy to get stuck in this mindset of comparison and ideals, which is so heavily promoted by the internet.  Facebook and blogs etc. can paint seemingly perfect pictures of another person's life, or even character - as though they face all their woes with calm and dignity while I'm crying in a corner somewhere.  I'm learning to catch myself and keep a realistic perspective, but also to appreciate my own struggles.  When I say 2014 will be better, I don't mean that it will necessarily be more enjoyable, but hopefully I'll be a little wiser and better equipped to tackle the issues that earlier might have crippled me.

  Writing this post is actually a big step in my personal growth.  You see, I'm terrified of other people's opinions.  I have no idea how to deal with criticism, but I've decided to write this anyway knowing people might even read it and .. not like it. Eep. Please be gentle. :)

  My next goal: to post some goals for this year.  See you then.